It will have been two years on 5/5/97 when at approximately 7:00 p.m., I received a phone call from a co-worker of my son Jonathan. You see this co-worker is an Emergency Medical Technician (EMT) and they had just taken by son's broken body to a hospital. A careless driver made a left hand turn in front of Jon's motorcycle and at the same time took away my heart. When I walked in the emergency room, there was a chaplain waiting for me. My heart immediately almost came to a stop; but we had hope that somehow he would survive. He had massive internal injuries, and fought and fought until May 7, 1995. I know he hung in there until all his family could get to the hospital to tell him they loved him and to be there for his mom. He was that kind of kid. Jon was a son that only a parent could dream for. Kind, sensitive and thoughtful. He always had a hug and "I love you mom" even at the age of 23 years old. He once told me, "you know mom, you're not like my mother, you're like my best friend." So that day, I not only lost my son, I lost my best friend.
Life has changed so much in the last two years. There is an emptiness that only a mother can experience. Other than love and bonding, it is a mother's nature to nurture and protect. It is all gone. Meaningful relationships are so hard to establish. They seem so empty. The only goal I have ever set for myself is to get through the day and stay as functional as possible.
I do not attend grief therapy. I always invisioned having to wear a "party hat" on the anniversery of Jon's death; as it would be my time to be "special." But I have been longing to speak with people that have experienced the same loss. Friends and family are wonderful; but unless you've experienced the loss of a child; you cannot understand the depth of the pain.
You can send email to Sandy at: CHAPMAN_SANDY@STATE.MI.US
anniversary date 5-7-95
date of post 04-05-97