My Dearest Bob,
Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that I would be writing this letter. It has been over two years, but it feels as if it were just this morning. I have finally come to the conclusion that you are not on some sort of trip, that this is not some sort of dream, but is something that I have to come to grips with.
Do you remember the day that we met? I had heard your name all over the unit, what a nice guy you were, how handsome, sweet, funny, so likeable and with that funny accent for Virginia. I couldn't believe that it was all true. You know, I never saw your wheelchair once we began to talk. You know babe, you were everything that I looked for in someone to date, some one to love. Then when we decided to get married just six months later, then the stuff really started to fly. Not too many people were pleased. Some thought that I was playing the martyr, or just looking for sympathy, others thought you were out to use me. Well, we almost made it to our 22nd anniversary. Love, you missed it by 3 short months. You know babe, I still count them. Our 24th will be here in 2 weeks. That's probably why I have been on this search for some peace.
I have been having a really tough time this past month or so. You probably already know that. Molly (Bob's dog) is not doing that well, she has gone blind and getting deaf since you left. She still tries to play, and always seems to know when it's feeding time, but I know what is coming and I dread it so.
At times babe, I know that you are right here with me, I can still smell you and feel your breath, and I know that it's true. I just was not ready to let you go. Bob, did you have any idea that something was wrong? It really bothers me that we didn't get to say goodbye. You woke me up and told me you didn't feel good, I rubbed your back and tried to soothe you and 20 minutes later you were gone. What was wrong with me? Why didn't I realize what was happening and call for help? I think that is the hardest thing I'm having trouble with, I should have known. I breathed for you until rescue got there but you never had a pulse again. I would give anything to have that early morning back again.
I know that time is moving on and as much as I hate it, I have to start moving on also. Please know that I will always be your love, you will always be mine. I was asked a really stupid question the other day, "if your husband is dead, why do you still wear that ring?" What he didn't realize was, the band on my thumb is yours, and is forever linked to my heart, and my wedding band... well, I'm still married my love.
I'll Love you always, Lyn
You can send email to Lyn at: [email protected]
anniversary date 08-03-95
date of post 10-29-97