Empty Arms/ Broken Heart
The story of Shane's too brief life

Lora Czarnowsky

On May 8th (Mothers Day) 1994, my world shattered at my feet. I was at the end of a problem free, perfect pregnancy. I was in the care of Mid-wives I trusted with my life. My due date came and went with no labor. Finally, after many natural resources were used, I finally went into labor. We went to the Birth Center only to be sent home because my labor was very slow. We went back a few hours later, at which time my water finally broke. My husband walked with me and helped me deal with the pain in many ways. Things were still moving along well. Later that evening, something went horribly wrong. My labor pains became burning searing ripping pain instead of the Normal labor pains. Unfortunatly, no one was listening to me..They just let me scream and writhe in pain. I finally begged to be listened too and they finally realized that something was very wrong! When they FINALLY got me to the hospital, they discovered that my uterus had ruptured hours before. They did an immediate c-section and my beautiful son, Shane Christopher was born dead. He weighed 9lbs 2ozs and was over 24 inches long. He had been perfectly healthy and growing strong until my caregivers stopped listening. My c-section turned into a complete hysterectomy. So this lovely Mothers Day, I lost my beautiful son, and my uterus. I can never carry another child as long as I live.

My heart is broken and I will never be the same. My son was so perfect and so beautiful. We had so many dreams and plans for our family. Shane had an older sister and older brother waiting for him at home. Now they will never know this this guy who kicked me for months. We'll never hear him laugh or sing or say Mommy..It's so hard not to be bitter, when your life is destroyed and there's nothing you can do to change it. Shane will always live on in my heart and the hearts of his family. But our arms are still empty..because no one would listen.

I only pray that one day, we will all be together again, like it was supposed to be.

Lora Dikani Czarnowsky
Adawe'hi Aquetsi Ageyutsa

Postscript: It's now 6 years later and alot has changed. I still miss my baby,Shane everyday..but I've helped his memory live on. I work as a pediatric bereavement volunteer and I do this to honor my son. I've also helped to start a Blankets for Angels at the hospital where Shane died. We provide beautiful blankets for the babies that have died..they are wrapped in them before being brought to their parents...then the parents keep the blankets in memory of their children...And I also am the proud mother of another little boy who came to me from out of the blue via adoption. Life goes on...you just never forget.....Our children are always a part of us. I hope your journey will be a gentle one.

I welcome mail from others who have lost and survived. Sometimes it's hard to be a mommy to an angel.
dikani@md.prestige.net
Mail Welcomed

[return to home page] [comments] [column] [book excerpts] [honor page]

Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden
LCSW