Goodbye and Farewell


Leah Baker

I had the greatest father. I drove others nuts with my acclamations of my father. I knew that he loved me very much, but he was a quiet man and did not express his feelings often or easily. I have developed a great relationship with him in the last 10 years or so. It was then that I actually heard the words "I love you" come out of his mouth. From that time on I found that I could talk to him and wait for him to talk to me. He called me when my mom was gone and he was lonely. This man that was so private also hated being alone. I remember one year ago we were told that he had a disease called "hemochromotosis" meaning too much iron in his blood. The treatment was simple and that was having blood taken every month for 6 months and then only occasionally after that. We were feeling comfortable about this diagnosis and his treatment was to lengthen his life. This summer on Saturday June 13th I received a most devastated call from my mother. Daddy had had a terrible heart attack and was dead. I felt my world stop and time was gone. I cried off and on during the trip to Houston and then many times in my parents house. My mother put the house for sale and moved by the end of the summer. My greatest disappointment has been that my mother and brother and I are suffering but each in our own world and in our own ways. I cry for my children who have now lost both of their grandfathers. At the ages of 15, 11, 9 they will not have a grandfather to play ball or horsie with any longer. I also cry for my brother for he and his wife are expecting their first child and he will never know his papaw. My old world has ended and I am struggling to build a new and different one. I will miss you, Daddy.

This poem was written for him

Farewell

How can I say good-bye to you ,
I have so much more to do
with you and for you.
I have lessons to learn
Pages of life to turn
My degree, my life righted
My children growing
How could this have been
God is wise and strong
He has know all along
The number of years
But that doesn't ease my fears
That doesn't end my tears
I love you more than I could say

Leah



You can send email to Leah at: LEAHBAKER@prodigy.net
mail welcome


anniversary date 06-13-98
date of post 02-01-99

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Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW