Loved and Missed


Judi Walker

Shane was my first born and my only son. He taught me so many things about life. The greatest thing Shane taught me was how to love completely and unconditionally. Throughout his life, he continued to teach me. And in death, he is still my teacher, now he is teaching me that I can live with a broken heart.

Shane was born Dec. 3, 1977 and left this earth on Oct. 27, 1997, one month and one week before his 20th birthday. He was taken from us much too soon by a senseless act of violence.

I can still remember that night so clearly. It was around 9:30 PM and I was ready for bed. My mom and Tabitha (Shane's wife) came running came running in my house screaming "Shane's been shot, he's dead!" I thought they were crazy, my baby wasn't dead. I got dressed and we went down the road to a store where they said he was at. I remember flashing lights and people everywhere. I tried to go to the car they said my son was in, they would not let me. No official person had said that was my son, I kept telling everyone that was not my son when they tried to comfort me. I remember my husband trying to hold me and pushing him away. The sheriff came to me and I asked him if that was my son in that car, I could tell by the look on his face that it was and he had a wallet in his hands. Yes Judi, it's Shane, your brother identified him. I felt hot searing pain then darkness, thank God I was dying too. But I was not to be so lucky.

Within two hours, three boys were arrested for Shane's murder. They were trying to shoot my son's friend. They had been at the ballpark down the street and called Shane's friend to come there to meet them, they had no idea Shane would be in the car. While one boy was talking to the driver on the drivers side, a second boy ran up to the passenger side and stuck a shotgun in the window and pulled the trigger. Shane died instantly and never saw the gun. They had no idea who they had shot until it was all over with. Shane's friend drove to the store to get help. We have been told during the trial we will probably learn that there is more to this story, but we have been told that nothing Shane did that night or in the past brought on his death.

Shane left behind twin daughters who were 5 1/2 months old at the time of his death. Shane lives on in these two beautiful little girls, I call them his gifts of love.

I have two daughters 8 and 13 and I keep going on for them. Someday I know I will be with him again. I wrote this poem about the night he died.

Shock

I stand here in shock and disbelief,
What are you trying to tell me?
This is wrong, this isn't true,
Let me see the boy you say is dead,
Cause I know it's not my son,
Don't touch me, don't tell me you're sorry,
How can I convince you that boy is not Shane,
You need to find that boy's mother,
She needs to know, it's going to break her heart,
Look what you've done upsetting my family,
And my husband, look what you've done to him,
Damn you! tell them the truth,
Why, are you really that cruel?
Don't anyone come near me cause ya'll believe him,
Oh Mike, why are you crying?
Please tell him to go away and leave us alone,
You know that this is all wrong,
I will not lay down, I will not take a pill,
All of you get away from me!
Where did you get my son's wallet?
He's never let you have that,
Unless, unless.........
Oh God no!

http://members.aol.com/Tweet24798/index.htmlMyShanes Page2

Judi Walker



You can send email to Judi at: Tweet24798@aol.com
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anniversary date 10-27-97
date of post 04-17-98

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Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW