The Unexpected Death Of My Father


Diane

It was October 22nd 1997 and I was having a great day. I came home from school that day finding out that my parents were both home from work. They were planning on doing yard work. I wasn't too thrilled about it so I asked my mom if I could call my best friend Katie and see if she could come over. "Yes I don't mind" I was on my way to meet Katie half way between her house and mine when I got this feeling that I need to ask my dad what he was doing. He told me and then said I needed to help. "Damn. Why did I turn back?" I thought. I told Katie to forget it. I was really mad at him. I was doing everything wrong on purpose. He would say one thing and I'd do the opposite just to make him mad. It was working. Then he started getting chest pains but wouldn't sit down. I wished he would have a heart attack and die. (I really didn't mean it though) He finally sat down and my mom said she was going to call 911. He wouldn't let her. He said it was no big deal and it would go away. Then my dad told me to go across the street to where he works and get my brother who has had medical training. I found Josh and we ran back to my house. My dad came inside and sat down in his recliner and said his arm was going numb. Josh said that's it we are going to the hospital. Then at that second my dad mumbled "this is it" and he started shaking and his eyes rolled back into his head and Josh screamed Mom call 911. I started freaking out. Josh and his friend who was also there put my dad on the floor and Josh started giving him CPR. I ran outside waiting and screaming for the ambulance to get here. They came and after what seemed like hours I heard my dog howling and I knew right then that he died. The people carried him out on the stretcher saying he was still alive. We raced down to the hospital and we were waiting and everyone told me it would be ok. "he is going to be fine" they all said but I knew they were wrong. Then we all went into this little room and the doctor came in and said "I'm sorry but..." and that was all I heard. I started screaming NO. and I took off outside. This wasn't happening to me. This was the worst night of my life.

I am still having a hard time dealing with all the pain. I fell all alone like no one cares or understands. Me and my mom don't get along so she isn't there to talk to. And my brothers and sisters are all moved out so I dot talk to them much. I lay and cry myself to sleep all the time. The first couple months I was suicidal but I am better now. I feel like I am forgetting him....his voice, his hugs, his looks even. I feel like he was never here. But from other people's stories I know that I will get through this and become happy when I think of my dad, not depressed.

Thanks for listening to my story,

Diane



You can send email to Diane at: Dreamkin14@aol.com
mail welcome


anniversary date 10-22-97
date of post 11-28-98

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Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW