Long For Her


Chris Garrett

After finding this honor page and reading some of the entries I had to write one for my mom:

Cathy,

I miss you so much mom. I chose not to see you, because I was so scared and I didn't want my last memory of you to be lying there, waiting to die. I still wish I could have held you before you left. Like you held me. I remember.

A part of me died when the chaplain put his cold hand on my shoulder and asked me if I wanted to see you before you died. He took a large part of my heart away from me that day, it must have hurt him a lot to have to do that.

The most agonizing part of missing you, is knowing things would have been so different if you were here. I know the outcome of my life so far would be much different. I hurt when I think of you never being at my wedding, and never knowing my children, especially them never knowing you. I will tell them as much as I can about you, but that will never be enough.

I visited your grave last year for the first time. I broke down as soon as I left the car. I didn't know where your stone was, just the general area. I felt like a little child franticly searching the grocery store aisles, knowing you are there, but still very frightened. I realized how much I have healed.

I'm getting to the point where I'm strong enough to start dealing with this loss. It's time to start healing.

I miss you mom. I wish you were closer.

Your Child,

Chris



You can send email to Chris at: cgarrett@canuck.com
mail welcome


anniversary date 06-06-89
date of post 06-27-98

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Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW