To begin... Jane was my best friend in high school. We met there as freshman, and cultivated a friendship that weathered many storms. We saw each other through hard times, like, when my youngest sister ran away. But, she decided life wasn't worth living, and, when she decided this, she told me. Swore me to secrecy. I was 16, and, out of misplaced loyalty, I told no one of her plans. So, she hung herself in her closet with a jump rope. At the memorial service, her parents laid the blame on me...
I've felt the anger, the denial, the sadness, all those. I can accept her death, her slap in the face. I can accept that I will never see her again, create memories with her again...
But, I cannot get through to myself that it wasn't my fault... because, I still think it is. She told me, I did nothing. Her parents confirmed my worst fears, that I am to blame for her death.
I miss her dearly, selfish though she may be. In life, she was cheerful and vibrant. In death, she made a statement.
I never made that statement, sometimes wish I had. She did though... and destroyed her future... and has made mine a daily torment.
You can send email to Billie at: [email protected]
anniversary date 11-16-97
date of post 11-19-97