Forever and a day

Becky K

Damian and I talked on the phone for about a week before we met in person. We talked just as friends and nothing prepared us for how our in-person meeting would affect us. We met at 9:00 PM on Sunday, March 9, 1997. We played a few games of pool and then left as the club was closing. We decided to drive around for a while because neither of us wanted the evening to end. We drove around just talking for a couple of hours and arrived at the beach. It was about 1:00 AM. We walked along the beach and played in the water for some time and then decided to head back home. Once we got back home, we ate breakfast and parted ways. It was about 8:00 AM. He asked me to call him as soon as I woke up. I called him at noon. From that moment on, we spent every second together. I had never believed in living together, but we never wanted to be apart. Damian moved in with me.

Living together required a big adjustment on my part. I had been living alone for 2 1/2 years since leaving my dad=92s home at 21. I wasn't used to having someone around 24/7. Although it was different, I grew to love having him around all the time. We would go to work and page each other several times during the day just to say, I love you or Thinking of You or just Hi. We both decided to get voice-mail on our pagers and he would leave me the most touching voice messages. It breaks what is left of my heart to know that I didn't record those messages so that I could listen to them now.

During our 15 months together, we went through some rough times. He was always there for me, though. It didn't matter what the problem was, Damian would tell me that he loved me and that we would work through it. He used to say that we could do anything as long as we had each other. He told me that one of two things happens when a couple faces problems:

either they grow closer together, or they grow apart. He said that with us, we grew closer and that actually made him look forward to problems we faced because he knew we would work on them together and come out of the experience that much stronger and more in love.

I'm not going anywhere, Babe. You're stuck with me is what he used to tell me when I would worry that something was going to happen to him. I was supposed to marry a guy when I was much younger, but he was killed in a car accident. That experience caused me to worry that something would happen to Damian and I just couldn't bear the thought of living a life without him. Damian understood this and was so supportive. Many times I tried to push him away to protect myself from being hurt, but he wouldn't let me. He couldn't stand it when I kept myself from him emotionally.

In December of 1997, we put a deposit down on a motorcycle for him. He was so excited. We couldn't take possession of the bike right away because although it had been completely restored, it still needed the exhaust system. Damian, having never been a patient person, waited five months to bring that bike home. Every time we saw or heard a motorcycle, Damian would say, Maaaan, I want my bike! But, still, he was patient. Finally, the first week of May, we brought the bike home and decided to find the exhaust system ourselves. We found it and planned to order it Friday, May 29th.

Another thing he was patient about was getting his Commercial Drivers License (CDL). It was something he had wanted as far back as he could remember, but he never had anyone supporting him and telling him he could do it. We studied and studied for his written test. I took him to the DMV and he passed on the second try. After trying to find a dump truck for 9 months, he took his driving test on May 18th. He passed!!! We were both so very excited. It was a dream come true for him. Now, not only did he have his bike, but he had his CDL, too.

Monday, May 25th was Memorial Day. Tuesday, Damian took the day off work to apply for a job driving a concrete truck. He got the job and was to start on Thursday. He was offered considerably more money and was so excited. I kept telling him that so many wonderful things were happening for him in such a short time. He turned to me and said that those

wonderful things weren't happening for him...they were happening for us. He told me that he wouldn't have been able to do any of it if it weren't for me and my support. How could I not love him?

Tuesday night he debated about going into work the next day. It was to be his last day with the tree company he was working for, but he finally decided it would be fun to work his last day. He said that he would give the company one last day, but that was all he was going to give them. I dropped him off at work Wednesday, May 27th, 1998, at 7:00 AM. He was

killed 3 1/2 hours later when he became tangled with some brush and was pulled into the chipper. He died instantly and I died with him.

All I want out of the life I have left is for the time to go quickly. I live for the day I am with him again, wrapped in his arms and I hear him say in his fun voice, I wuv you. Well, I wuv you, too, Babe. Forever and a day.

 

Becky

 


You can email Becky: rsk412@hotmail.com
mail welcome


anniversary date 05-27-98
date of post 02-19-99

 

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Crisis, Grief, and Healing: Tom Golden LCSW