Anyway here goes,
Saturday,18th May 2002, 11;15am, my husband Randy and I said goodbye to each other. He kissed me goodbye through his helmet, hugged me and I told him the same old story... "have-fun, be good, don't be late and drive carefully-be safe!" He was going to spend the day with his "biker" friends and I with mine, and the next day we were going to spend the day at home with our two girls Jade(8) and Kayleigh(3).
But that night- 2ladies and a gentleman from the Metro Police rang my door bell. There had been an accident and Randy did not make it. At first there was denial, I did not believe it,I did not WANT to believe it.Things like this does not happen to me - it only happens to somebody else-Then came anger/comfustion/numbness.I was angry at God for taking him. I was angry at Randy for leaving us. How was I going to tell my daughters that their daddy would not be coming home anymore? especially Jade, she adored her father, he was her idol, her life. And the feeling was mutual, how could he do this to her? to Me, to all of us? We had so many things planned for the end of the year, for the furture that we still needed to do. We are all still so young. Why did the God that I loved so much take him away from me so soon. He was my friend, my husband,my sole mate. We were married for 10yrs. I meet him when I was 13yrs old- he was my first boyfriend! He was my whole life - I had known him more than half my life-all my adult life and now he was snatched away out of my life. He was ripped from my heart and now there is only a gaping hole left. How many times had I told Randy to give up riding that motorbike? He was no longer a teenager- he was 35- he had me and more importantly he had our two girls to think about, to take care of.
I have found great comfort and strength in praying, talking and especially reading. My friends and family have all been there for me and my girls and I am greatly thankful to them, but even thought there is always many, many people and friends around, there is a great big gapping whole inside of me that does not seem to be healing. I MISS HIM SO MUCH, but know that God has a bigger plan for my life and that HIS WILL, will be done in my life.
"I plead for the comfort which you alone can give, dear Lord. Heal my shattered spirit and grant me to see through my tears the rainbow of hope. In the conquering Name of Jesus, my Lord.
Randy, I LOVE YOU, I MISS YOU. you will always be a part of my life.
A good book to read is "A Rainbow through my tears" by Solly Ozrovech Devotional comfort for the mourning.