Will of the Human Soul

Jennifer

My name is Jennifer, I am a 30 year old mother and I live in Las Vegas, NV. I am a single mother (not by choice). My husband, Kenny, passed away on December 25,1996 by his own hand. He was a very intense person and that is what I loved so much about him. He was very funny and people would light up when he walked in the room.

He was also in a great deal of turmoil, he began to drink at the age of 10. He was sober for the first 4 years that we were together but after finding out I was pregnant with my second child (I had one from a previous marriage),he totally lost control. He started to drink again and this time he was serious! When I was 8 months pregnant with our son, things became abusive and I made him leave our home. He was in jail when our son was born. When he was released from jail he really seemed like he wanted to get things back in order and I told him we could work it out if he went to A.A. He was going almost religiously and we started to joke that we were becoming addicted to the meetings and we should start an "Anonymous Anonymous". Things were finally going in the right direction and I let Kenny come home. When our son was just 3 months old, I found out I was pregnant again. He seemed excited about it but in the back of my head, I was still thinking about the time he abused me when I was carrying his child. I told him we needed to seriously consider whether we would keep this child and that I didnt know what I wanted. He seemed to honor the idea that I needed time to think. This was on approximately December 17. Kenny was given 2 bottles of alcohol for Christmas by his "buddies" and I have never seen him again. My best friend came into town the day after he passed. Carrying with me the idea that I was pregnant and the stress was probably not the best thing for the child, I went to see my midwife for an ultrasound. She confirmed,less than 24 hours after Kenny's death, that I was pregnant with twins. They were born on June 30, 1997.

After 5 years, I am still dealing with the pain of that day in 1996. But I am a living testament to the will of the human soul. I am carrying on and I know that if Kenny would have made it through the pain he was dealing with, he would be proud. I own my own home, manage a coffee bar, and I am going to school full time to get a Criminal Justice degree. My children are bright and beautiful and they keep me very busy. They all have their father's eyes and when I look at them, I remember why I fell in love with Kenny. That has always been enough to carry me through.

Thank you for giving me this outlet!

Jennifer



You can send email to Jennifer at jbagstad@yahoo.com

mail welcome



Anniversary date - 12-25-96
Date of post - 2-21-02

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