The Pain of Not Being Able to Remember

Brad Backx

I am 22 years old, and my story is not a new one, but one which I still feel unable to resolve. I don't claim to have been struck down by any real hardships, and I have unending sympathy for those who have lost loved ones, but after 9 years I still cannot mention the names of those whom I miss to others who knew them. My pain is still quite strong, and I just really need some help sometimes.

When I was 12, I woke up one morning from the best dream I can remember. Or should I say, that I was woken up. My mother could not speak, and it was my sister who had the unpleasant task of informing me that my hero had been killed in a car accident. My father was one of the most kind and gentle souls to have graced us with his presence, and in 12 years shared with me more than most fathers do in a lifetime. The last words that we said to each other were "I love you", but that just doesn't make his loss any easier to bear. Around six months later, my poor family had to slowly watch my grandfather die from cancer. In the next two or three years (I don't have much of a memory anymore) I also lost several close friends in unrelated by equally devastating circumstances. I suppose I don't really have a problem with death as such, just that is only choses those we don't want to lose. I suppose that in conclusion, I would just like to make a last desperate appeal for help of some kind. I have been drowning for 9 years now, and it's getting harder to swim the older I get.

Brad Backx



You can send email to Brad Backx at spielenmeister@hotmail.com

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Anniversary date - Oct. 21
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