I miss my husband, William, 53, very, very much. I'm having to start all over again. We did everything together and he was the center of my life. He died shortly after 12:00 a.m. on July 23, 2000 on our return from a a very enjoyable vacation in Oahu,Hawaii on (the best we ever had and I'm not saying that because it was our last--it was indeed our best). He even checked our Hawaii's job listings and joked about moving to Hawaii. He had definitely considered moving to Hawaii when we retire.
We were in the Los Angeles Airport for a three hour layover. We sat for three hours talking about how much fun we had, about our vacation in Jamaica in 1998 and just memories of the past. We ate McDonald's and he had a strawberry milkshake (it was his favorite -- so I gave him half of my strawberry shake too). After the 3-hour layover, they called our seat numbers to board the plane. I gave him the tickets and walked ahead of him (we were only about 6 inches apart). We we were in the tunnel to board the plane and in the corner of my eye I saw him falling and I screamed for help and emergency workers came from everywhere. When the ambulance arrived, they put him on the stretcher and told me that he was just unconscious. I looked in his eyes and I knew he was gone, but I didn't accept that fact. I rode in the front of the ambulance, when one of the rude ambulance workers said,"I'm wasting my time, this guy is gone." He was in the emergency room for 1/2 hour and the doctor came out and told me that "he did die". At first I thought she said "he didn't die" or that is what I wanted to believe. From that point on God picked me up and strategically surrounded me with people to help me. Those people are gone and now it is just me and God. My husband and I met in 1985, stayed friends until 1988 and married in 1991. This is my first Christmas without him since 1988. I am very blessed and God has pretty much opened the windows of heaven, but I miss William and am forever changed because of his death. Everybody is waiting for me to be my old self again and I keep trying to tell them that my old self died with William. My new self is stronger and possess much inner peace in the midst of what seems like overwhelming grief and sadness, but it's only been 4-1/2 months. Please respond with words of encouragement.